The other side of the coin: my main obstacle to transitioning

While it's on my mind, I need to bring up an important issue concerning my overall resistance to transitioning in any respect. It is the main obstacle in my way of embracing either taking testosterone ("T") or having top surgery. I am very into natural and "alternative" health (specifically Ayurveda), and I have been having a mental struggle about if the effects of either of these would alter my physiology & disrupt the nature of my body. This is a very complex topic, with so many different layers to consider & argue, but unfortunately it is one that I have not been able to find much if any information about. I'm still looking, though.

Basically, I don't want to do anything to my body that would negate the benefits or effectiveness of Ayurveda. I have no idea whether or not Ayurvedically T would be recognized as a "toxin" in my body, or that removing my breasts would cause physiological changes that would yield a net effect of "foreign" or "unnatural." That is only one way of looking at it. Another is that, potentially, I am currently in an unnatural state (explaining genderqueer or transgender state?) & doing one or both of these would cause positive effects in my body. The latter argument has a lot of strength considering several facts of my current existence, including my low energy levels & certain depressive/anxious mental features at times surrounding gender issues. I am just not certain how to figure out which is correct. It's a fascinating concept, and it is definitely something that I need to consider when exploring my gender identity issues & possible transitioning in whatever form that is right for me.

I will be writing more about this topic as I continue my journey, but I'm really tired right now so I think I better call it a night. Otherwise I might stop making sense!